{"id":39898,"date":"2021-05-26T14:00:41","date_gmt":"2021-05-26T20:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.uchealth.org\/today\/?p=39898"},"modified":"2025-07-07T12:19:33","modified_gmt":"2025-07-07T18:19:33","slug":"understanding-grief-and-coping-with-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.uchealth.org\/today\/understanding-grief-and-coping-with-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding grief: coping with loss"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Source: Getty Images.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The COVID pandemic has resulted in significant losses. More than 585,000 people in the United States have died. Thousands of Americans are grieving the loss of loved ones and countless others have lost close relationships, jobs, and normalcy that life used to have.<\/p>\n

On Memorial Day, Americans pause to honor those brave men and women who have served in the armed forces and given their lives. It\u2019s also a time when people remember loved ones who have gone before them.<\/p>\n

Grief is defined as a feeling of deep sorrow and emotional pain associated with losing something important. Reactions to loss and grief are widespread and can include shock or disbelief, anger and irritability, and symptoms of depression. You may feel hopeless or withdrawn from friends and family. Grief can also make it hard to sleep and concentrate.<\/p>\n

Grief, when not recognized or allowed to be felt, can lead to more serious issues including depression and anxiety, explains UCHealth behavioral health therapist Rachel Slick<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cAn important concept when coping with grief and loss, especially during a pandemic, is to acknowledge that it is hard,\u201d Slick said. “Allow yourself to feel whatever surfaces. The grieving process is complicated and can be confusing. There are moments of happiness and reminiscing that are often immediately followed by sadness or guilt. All of it is normal. Permit yourself to notice those feelings. The only way to get through grief is to go through grief.”<\/p>\n

UCHealth Today talked to Slick to gain insight into the grieving process, help those who are grieving, and provide strategies to help you.<\/p>\n

What are common reactions to grief?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Common grief reactions include shock or disbelief, anger, irritability, and sometimes symptoms of depression. This can include withdrawing from social activities, feeling hopeless, experiencing sleep difficulties, or having a hard time concentrating.<\/p>\n

How do sadness and grief differ?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Grief involves sadness. Feeling sad tends to accompany grief. The difference is that grief can typically be attributed to a specific trigger or loss, while sadness and depression do not always have a specific cause.<\/p>\n

Are others feeling grief because of this pandemic?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u201cI have worked with multiple patients who have lost loved ones during the pandemic and were unable to spend time with them in their final months, days, or hours,\u201d Slick said. \u201cThat incites a feeling of loneliness on top of the existing grieving process.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe grieving process is inherently lonely, as it can often feel like no one thoroughly understands your pain or your experience. The restrictions associated with the pandemic have added an additional layer of isolation.\u201d<\/p>\n

People also experience grief when they lose something significant, like a job, financial security, or a sense of identity. Slick said she also has heard from patients who experienced an abrupt lifestyle change when the pandemic hit, which caused similar reactions to grieving a loss of a loved one.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are elements of shock, anger, and depression at play,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

What are the stages of grief and loss? <\/strong><\/h2>\n

There are researched models of grief that suggest that grief happens in stages: some indicate five, nine, or even 12 stages of grief.<\/p>\n

\u201cRegardless of the specific number of stages of grief and loss, the concept is the same: there are different waves of emotion that happen over time as one copes with a loss,\u201d Slick said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe idea that there are ‘stages’ somewhat implies that we move through the stages like a checklist as if we can cross one emotion off the list when we have \u2018finished\u2019 with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is misleading, she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cGrief does not follow a perfect timeline. The emotions associated with grief \u2013 commonly recognized as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance \u2013 tend to fluctuate, come and go, and change over time. Everyone copes with grief at a different pace. While it is comforting to know what feelings can be expected, it is inaccurate to believe that it follows a predictable timeline.\u201d<\/p>\n

What is the Kubler-Ross grief cycle? <\/strong><\/h2>\n

The Kubler-Ross grief cycle is often referred to in therapy and grief counseling, Slick said. The author, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, initially wrote her book about the stages of grief from the perspective of a terminally ill patient, not from someone grieving a loss.<\/p>\n

The stages of grief can be somewhat adapted to an individual experiencing grief. They are:<\/p>\n

Denial\/shock<\/em> \u2013 experiencing difficulty believing that the news is true, feeling convinced there has been a mistake, not thoroughly grasping that this person is gone.<\/p>\n

Anger <\/em>\u2013 realizing the extent of the loss, feeling upset that you must adjust to a new reality in this person\u2019s absence, feeling like this is not fair, often looking to blame others for the loss.<\/p>\n

Bargaining<\/em> \u2013 often looks like trying to negotiate with a higher power if that is what you believe. \u201cIf you bring this person back, I promise I will do x, y, z.\u201d Not everyone experiences this stage of grief. It varies based on individuals and their beliefs.<\/p>\n

Depression <\/em>\u2013 characterized by withdrawing from activities or interactions, an inability to experience joy or pleasure, a sense of hopelessness.<\/p>\n

Acceptance<\/em> \u2013 not necessarily feeling “okay” that your loved one died, but acknowledging that your loved one died and you are still allowed to be okay and to continue living. It looks like adopting a new sense of normal. It does not mean that you will never experience any of the other stages of grief again, or that you won’t have a tough day. It means the good days tend to outnumber the tougher days.<\/p>\n

What are some strategies for dealing with loss and grief?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u201cThe strategies specific to this pandemic loss look very similar to the strategies we use to cope with this pandemic in general: Don\u2019t neglect basic self-care,\u201d Slick said.<\/p>\n